Game-Time Decision

I love basketball! One of the phrases that they use in basketball and other sports is "game time decision," meaning they don't really make a firm decision 'til the game starts, like if a player who'd been injured in an earlier game will be well enough to play, for example. The decision to file for divorce was a game-time decision for me, and not one that I took lightly. I was raised with a 'til death do us part' world view, so I was hoping for our marriage to be healed. God can do anything, and I believe He saves marriages...but it helps if both parties are hoping for reconciliation.

As Tim became more and more uninvolved with the boys to some extent and me to a larger extent, I was floundering with what to do. Tim always talked about divorce, but wouldn't do anything about it. I cried a lot. The boys were confused. Then my game-time decision happened....

The local library called me about a book that was overdue and running up a fine. I hadn't checked any books out, so I went by Tim's business to see if he had. He rudely told me he had the book and would take it back when he wanted to...which didn't set well with me, so I charged into where his bed was to get it for myself. He tried to stop me, but I reached the bed first and saw the book....lying by a bag of marijuana. Tim snatched it out of my sight and ordered me out. I grabbed the book and the boys and charged out with fury and tears. I rushed to where my mom worked, the library at a middle school. As we passed by the front office, the ladies wanted to see the boys to gush about how cute they were. I tried to have a smile plastered on my face and let small talk tumble out of my mouth, but as soon as we could get down the hallway to the library, the tears were threatening again. By the time I reached the library, I was bawling, so my mom rushed us to the back room, where I poured out the fury, pain, and frustration at having my husband's dangerous selfishness smack me right in the face. My mom calmly asked what I wanted to do, and for the first time, I declared that for the sake of my kids, I wanted a divorce. She pulled out the phone book and her check book, and we had an appointment with an attorney by day's end.

I still felt guilty about being the one to file, although I knew it was just a waiting game with Tim...he had been waiting for me to be 'the filer,' so that I could be the bad guy. Within a few days, a friend from church confided in my mom, then gave my mom permission to tell me, that she was so relieved I was divorcing Tim--for over a month, he had been dating one of her neighbors, and had even started staying the nights with her. My friend was furious with him and had actually told him off, but she wasn't sure how to let me know. Other instances began happening, where people would share things about Tim's behavior and actions that had been bugging them, but they didn't know how to tell me. I appreciate that they didn't want to feel as if they were gossiping or didn't want to hurt me...but the truth helped me know that I was saving my children from a criminal and a cheater.

"Jesus said, 'If you hold to my teaching,
you are really my disciples.
Then you will know the truth,
and the truth will set you free'.” John 8:31-32

I really didn't wish Tim any harm, and I still hoped (and hope) for him to return to the professions of faith I'd heard him proclaim. I filed for sole custody, however, for the protection of our children. Tim didn't fight for custody, and actually left town before our case went to court, leaving behind unpaid loans and a broken business lease, among other things. On the day of court, my lawyer had me wait outside of the courtroom, saying he'd call me in if need be. Less than ten minutes later, he came out with the news that I was the sole custodian of the children.

It was now time for me to think long-term...I returned to college, got a teaching degree, and began a career that would support my sons and I. Those preparation years were fairly uneventful, with me attending school, raising the boys, and volunteering as a youth sponsor with the youth group at church. There was, however, one October afternoon in 1993 that does stand out.....