Pathways

The Bible has a lot to say about the paths we choose to take. God's intention is for us to follow His ways (Psalm 119:105--Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path), but rebellious human nature causes some to try to order their own steps (Job 24:13--There are those who rebel against the light, who do not know its ways or stay in its paths).

In high school, my parents monitored my curfew, activities, and friends pretty well, so I didn't really do anything wild or 'wrong,' but my attitude was really toxic at home. Once I left home for college, I made stupid behavior choices. As Ecclesiastic 1:9 says, there is nothing new under the sun, so I didn't invent any new rebellious ways, but I really knew better. I even had that unsettled, deep-down feeling that I was doing wrong but tried my best to ignore it. After a year of college (and dumb behavior), I met a guy who caught my attention.

He worked for a carnival that was in town for the county fair. The guy I liked had chosen to leave me hanging and go to the fair with another girl, so when this guy running one of the games started flirting with me, I thought it might make the guy I liked jealous. We met up after the carnival closed, and we spent the rest of the week hanging around together. It didn't seem to bother the guy I liked, but by then I had started liking 'carnival guy!' When he left town, I was so sad! He called to see if I'd come visit him in the next town, so a friend and I drove to some other little town to meet up with him. He and his friend asked if they could return back home with my friend and I, so I dumbly agreed, of course.

While restlessly killing time at my house with his friend, "Tim the Carney" kept trying to talk me into hitting the road with them. Since I was so unhappy and empty in my current state, I was tempted to go, but I told him my parents would kill me if I left town with some guy. He (oh so cleverly) pointed out that they couldn't complain if I left town with some guy that I was married to...I bought the reasoning, and two weeks later, we were married and California-bound. Different members of my family tried to talk me out of my plan, but it made such perfect sense to me at the time, and I began to pin my hopes on Tim being the answer, the filler, for my emptiness. Silly me......